


Scapegoat

by ISpeakBark



Series: We all Fall Down [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Animagus, Character Death, Established Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, First War with Voldemort, Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Sirius Black in Azkaban
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-21
Updated: 2018-03-21
Packaged: 2019-04-05 06:56:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14038668
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ISpeakBark/pseuds/ISpeakBark
Summary: The innocent don't always get happy endings and sometimes, not even the best memories can drive out the dark.





	Scapegoat

The screaming was deafening. It echoed throughout the halls with no reprieve. Huddled in the corner of a small, cold cell, Sirius Black had his hands firmly clamped over his ears in an attempt to block out the sounds. The action didn't even seem to muffle the shouts. There were too many. He couldn't make out any words. Just wails of dispair breaking through the dark.

The cold seemed to grip him right down to his very bones, his breath visible in small puffs as he tried to stay calm. He felt like he was clinging to sanity by a thread. He tried to clear his mind, but everytime he tried he fell back into reliving his worst and most terrible memories. Memories he had tried to block from his mind.

Each pass by from a dementor just brought them back to the front of his mind as clear as the moment they had happened. The prank he played on Snape in school that almost made him a murderer at the hands of Moony. Finding out his brother had finally taken the dark mark which would separate the brothers for good. There was no coming back from that and Sirius had foolishly hoped he would see reason before he took that final step. There was the night he walked out on Remus, his Remus, thinking he was traitor. He rembered the broken look on his face as he tearfully begged Sirius to stay, to understand. He had just slammed the door in his face pretending he didn't hear a soft sob in his wake. Then the most recent; The night James and Lilly died and he found out it was the rat all along. The drowning thoughts of seeing his best friend and brother laying lifeless on the floor and Lily just upstairs laying still in front of the crib. The images that had him mad with grief that sent him into revenge against Peter. Only it was a trap and now he thought of never seeing his godson again who would only know him as a murderer. The night he lost everything.

He tried to counter it with every good memory he could think of. The day he got his Hogwarts letter and knew that it would be as all reprieve from his life at home. The proud moment when he was sorted into Gryffindor instead of Slytherin. He knew he wasn't like the rest of his family. He swore he never would be. He thought of the moment he kissed Remus for the first time and tried to remember how his lips felt against his own. He thought of the summer he moved in with the Potter's and knew he would never have to go back to Black Manor again. That he was fianlly safe. He fianlly had a family that loved him. 

Sometimes it didn't feel like enough. That there was way too much dark and evil that sometimes not even the happiest memory could hold a flame to the cold that was around him. He kept thinking about how this was all his fault. If he had only trusted Remus. If he had not convinced James to switch the secret keeper. If only he didn't go into a blind rage and get wrongly accused of their murder.

Everything felt so overwhelming. He felt like screaming along with the others around him. He did the only thing he could think of. He closed his eyes and concentrated. He felt his body shift smoothly into Padfoot. Everything felt so much simpler as a canine. He tipped his head to the sky and let out a mournful howel which was lost in the sea of mindless yells of desperation. The man and the dog grieving for the lives, that in one night, were destroyed and he was truly alone.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading and hope you are enjoying the series as much as I am writing it.
> 
> I plan to have two more installments...maybe three.
> 
> Come say hi on tumblr  
> [HERE](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/ispeakbark/)


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